10 Pieces of Advice After 10 Years of Marriage
We recently celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary! I love my husband more and more as time goes on, and he tells me the same. So, after a decade, it’s no surprise that we’ve learned a lot about each other and how to maintain a happy marriage. While our advice is general, they’re all things that have worked well for us. I hope they inspire you to tell your significant other how much they mean to you!
Ten
Be Each Other’s Best Friend
When I say that my husband is my best friend, I mean it. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had. I say that as someone blessed with truly incredible friends, people I could call in the middle of the night and know that if I needed them, they’d be on the next flight to me. I would do the same for them, no questions asked!
Even so, I still put my husband first. He’s my person, and I’m his. That’s why we work so well together. We’ve set clear boundaries with the people in our lives, and we put each other first. He always says he and I are family. Everyone else are relatives.
Above: Our Vow Renewal on the Isle of Skye, Scotland
Nine
Share & Encourage Each Other’s Goals
We’ve moved cross country to chase our dreams, and it’s never been a question of whether or not we’d make it work. It was only ever how to get it done. Whatever dreams we have, the other encourages it. Our paths and dreams are so aligned that we’re both running in the same direction anyway!
Eight
Never Stop Learning About Each Other
I recently learned that my husband has always wanted to try woodworking. It’d just never come up before, but we went and got supplies, and he’s had a blast learning a new skill. He’s always been incredibly handy (he’s replaced drywall, tiled bathrooms, and even done our electrical work himself!) but never realized he wanted to pursue it with more discipline.
Above: The moment it hit him, he’d always have to pose for my photos – forever, hehe. In Rome, Italy
Above: Some of my favorites of this handsome guy!
We’re always finding relationship quizzes, would-you-rather games, and similar things to send each other or play together on long drives or layovers, and it’s a great way to ensure we continue to learn about each other.
Seven
Apologize Readily and Sincerely
He always says he’s sorry first. It’s amazing. I’ve never known anyone who is so willing to admit when they’re wrong, and it’s taught me that apologizing is more about making sure you haven’t hurt the other person and a lot less about “being right”.
Six
Trust & Be Trustworthy
If you can’t trust your spouse, why are you with them? The opposite is also true. If they can’t trust you will keep your word, be honest, and follow through, why would they stay with you?
Five
Don’t Speak Ill of Your Spouse to Others
I don’t understand why people rant to their parents, friends, or colleagues about their spouse. You picked them. If you don’t like them, do something about it. I’ve had coworkers in the past go on rants about how much they hate their husband or wife, and it baffles me. No relationship is perfect, but unless you need help or advice, there’s no reason to air your dirty laundry. You might forget and move on, but they won’t.
Luckily, I never have anything bad to say about him!
Four
Plan Frequent Date Nights
We plan date nights at least twice a week. Once a year, we go abroad for a month, and once a month, we take a long weekend (or more) somewhere domestically. It can be as simple as visiting family, checking out a new town, or making a weekend out of going to a concert or restaurant opening. It’s great to explore new places together, make new memories, and go on adventures!
Three
Assume They Have The Best Intentions
When we were first married, I asked Robin why he never gets upset with me. He told me that he always assumes I have the best intentions and that if I say something he thinks might be hurtful, he asks me more about it from a place of understanding. I never meant it “like that,” and it prevented us from hurting each other’s feelings.
Two
Approach All Things With Understanding
This goes hand in hand with the above. If he’s tired after a long day or I haven’t eaten in a while, instead of getting upset with one another, we fix the root issue and move forward together. When I’m hangry, he brings me a snack and talks me through it, listening or helping me find solutions if that’s what I want. He always asks, “Do we want solutions, or do we want to rant?” Haha, it’s so helpful1
If he’s exhausted and irritable, then I insist he rests, make him a coffee, and pick up the slack so he can relax. We’re stressed by very different things, so we’re able to look out for one another and make it through, no matter what the day throws our way.
Being understood is the truest form of love, and oftentimes, he knows what’s wrong with me before I do, and by the time I catch up, he’s already working on fixing it. I couldn’t be more grateful that he loves me so actively!
One
Always Make Time For Each Other
No matter how busy we are, no matter what we’ve got going on in our lives, from traveling and writing my books to work and foreign language courses, we make time for each other every single day. No TV, no phones, no distractions. We discuss our day and anything on our minds and reconnect. It’s my favorite part of the day!
Above: Acadia National Park in Bar Harbor, Maine
No matter how wild life gets, that stability, looking forward to being held, and knowing we always have someone to talk with and support us makes all the difference in the world.
Nothing is impossible when we have each other!
